The Unknown

Saturday 25th finally came only it was 3am. I felt the most horrible sensation like I was going to pee myself. The only way I could actually describe it. I rang for a nurse, my waters had broke....our little girl was coming today.

An indescribable emotion came over me..I needed Keir. Once off the phone, a nurse collected me and took me to a labour suit. I climbed into the bed and was introduced to my midwife for the night. Two nurses came in - told us they wouldn't check her heart beat regularly. Lets be serious, we all know why. At this time Keir and I are dealing with pain of not being able to watch our daughter grow. All odd were against us. We were offered steroid injections during my time at the hospital...we both decided to refuse, not because we didn't want her to be here, but everything was against us. There was a 10% chance of our little girl surviving birth, this is due to labour being such a traumatic thing for a baby of her gestation. We were still coming to terms with everything, knowing all the decisions over the last three days came down to these very moments.

Finally, both families arrived. Keir and I decided to speak to them all in pairs, just makes it easier to speak to them all. If I'm being honest, it was nice to actually get some different conversation for a little while, it took our minds off everything. Looking at each of their face and all I could see was fear. Fear for Keir and I, the hear for them never meeting their niece or granddaughter, fear for her not getting her chance at life. After a while people went home - just to shower and get freshened up before anything happened. I mean she wasn't in a hurry to come.

Finally, handover time arrived and a new midwife appears, Gemma was her name. She introduced herself and decided to check our baby's heart beat, still as strong as ever. My mum an dad sitting beside Keir and I. I'm sitting barely able to keep my eyes open - I needed sleep. I was lucky to get half an hour, this horrific pain came over me. I needed to push. We buzzed for a midwife, she came in and offered me some morphine, I accepted I needed something to ease the pain. I asked my mum and dad if they could leave, Keir and I were the only people bringing this little girl into the world. Gemma appeared with morphine by this point there was definitely no time to take anything, she came and checked me over. I was right, our daughter was on her way.

9.30am and our daughter was ready to enter the worlds. Knowing we would never be able to watch her grow, knowing we would never be able to teach her how to write or how to even ride her first bike...our hearts were breaking. I had my lucky charm with me....for people who know me know exactly what this is. We knew someone up there was ready to look after her for us.

Each push worse than the last. Keir holding my hand through every push, helping me get through all the pain - remember no drugs! I could feel her coming. Finally one last push and our beautiful daughter was here...but wait, she was crying and kicking. SHE SURVIVIED! I got handed our little lady, she was absolutely perfect. Keir and I both looked at each other, we needed to do something - NOW.

Keir was asked to press a buzzer, people came running in and our girl got whisked away. It was so quick I can't actually remember half of what happened at this point. Both families back beside us, all of us crammed into one small labour suit. This big bed came into our room, there was way, breathing (with help, obviously) - she was just incredible. Off she went to the Neonatal - her new home for a while.

Two hours later and we were allowed to go see our baby girl. Being able to watch her in her incubator, she was incredible. Watching her every move, she was perfect, even at a tiny 1 pound 2oz. Knowing we have a long road ahead of us...but watching her we knew it was all worth it.

Keir and I are unbelievably proud to call her our daughter.

Freya Mercer Reilly born 25th March 2017 at 9:55 am, weighing 1 pound 2 oz - our little miracle.

-E xo